Habits vs. Growth

What growth are you aiming to realize this month?

I have been asking myself this question for the last few months. Growth, to me, is a process without an ending. During this process, our minds produce many ideas about the person that we desire to be.

In pursuit of growth, how often do we check if we are heading in our predetermined direction? I do this each year when my birthday is approaching. During these evaluations, I have always found things about myself that I didn't particularly appreciate. Looking back on the actions that followed my evaluation, I felt disappointed. I was frustrated because the steps that I took during the year did not take me in the direction that I had decided.

One lesson was very apparent through my frustration: one year is a long time to wait to find out that you missed the mark. It is my understanding that each year presents 365 opportunities to make corrections. Taking advantage of those opportunities could have led to the breakthrough moment that I desired. Instead, I anguished over undesirable results.

I was left wondering why I had squandered such an opportunity. I then started working on discovering how I failed to take corrective measures.

The first answer that I arrived at was that I didn't know how to correct myself. It seemed as if I were frozen, unable to act while I was going the wrong way. I also think that I was afraid to stand up to myself.

I was afraid to stand up to myself because I had spent a long time doing what I had now sought to change. The amount of time spent this way made the new steps feel more challenging as I attempted to realize progress. Actions that supported the harmful attributes seemed to bring pleasure and relaxation. Overall, it was a constant struggle between my will to change and my forged habits.

The best way to describe my inner struggles is to say that I was bullied by my bad habits. I felt that I was being pushed around by my habits. It seemed as if they had control over me, which made me feel weak. Somehow my habits created a barrier preventing access to the goals that I sought to achieve.

Are your habits getting in the way of your goals?

In my case, the answer is yes. In the situations that I am talking about above, it is clear. Under some circumstances, a proper response to this question may not be as obvious.

For instance, I am using this blog to share the things that have been lingering on my mind. However, I am currently months behind in posting my thoughts because I have made a habit out of reading and failed to make time for sharing. In this area, I aim to realize growth this month.