Navigating Relationships

Last year, I had a conversation with a friend about something that she posted on social media. It was a screenshot of a passage written by R.M. Drake regarding relationships. Our discussion centered around this passage; it ended in a challenge for me to write a post about the overall topic: relationships. I did not consider this easy because I am not comfortable talking about the subject publicly.

At this point, I encourage you to read the passage above so that you can understand what sparked the initial conversation. Following our talk, I reached out to some other close friends for different perspectives on the topic.

We have all taken different paths that led to who we are now. Along the way, the roads that we travel merged, bringing us together. Before this merge, we encountered unique experiences that we carry around as baggage. What we do with this baggage shapes who we are in the relationships that we have.

Our baggage may impact how we perceive our circumstances and routines. This impact creeps into the relationships that we maintain. This baggage can manifest itself as stress, anger, distrust, dependence, or other harmful behaviors. To overcome these challenges, we must realize how fluid life is and how it tests us. Without being equipped for life's tests, we may inadvertently destroy our relationships.

I have learned much from the friendships that have survived the test of time. Conflict with a friend taught me that emotions continually evolve as we age. I think that childhood friendships that last into adulthood provide a visual reference to this evolution. All of the change that occurs over the years leads to conflict, resulting in our relationships maturing.

Experience has taught me that a partner has the same importance as a co-pilot. This person shares the responsibility of safely getting the passengers to the destination and can take over the controls to operate the plane and continue onward. Additionally, during critical stages of flight, the pilot and co-pilot work in unison to control the aircraft. Similarly, in our relationships, we rely on our partners to do whatever is best when needed. This happens when we split responsibilities and is essential in times of distress.

I've found that rapid growth can have a detrimental impact on our partners. The person that they have gotten to know is seemingly replaced almost overnight. I find it natural to want to bring your partner along for the ride as you grow. We just have to keep in mind that we must allow them to grow at their pace.

What we see as a ride may be a rollercoaster for those we love. In understanding the differences in perception, we realize that "happily ever after" doesn't mean that things will always be "peachy." We all have our times on both sides of almost inseparable and needing more space. For a stronger bond, we must learn to appreciate everything that falls within that spectrum. It may be simpler to say that it takes commitment and consistency to weather the storm.

The learning gained through experience leaves us all with new baggage. This additional load isn't always negative and can sometimes be constructive. It has been my goal to learn from everything that happens to me. Using this way of thinking has led to me having a more favorable outcome in situations.

These outcomes, in turn, affect my outlook on things. Now the walls don't seem as high, and the mountains are not as steep. As the exterior walls shrunk in size, I realized that the interior walls that I built up were in disrepair. My mind now reflects the ideal open space layout that I am looking for in a home.

For the last few years, I have been striving to realize improvements in all areas of my life. I struggled with the fact that we do not all grow the same or at similar paces. We can not demand growth or change from our partners. I just hope to pass on some of the lessons that I have learned to my children.

Asking peers questions about their experiences gave me the indication that we've been through similar trials. When asked what they would hope to pass on to their children, the answers varied. Patience, understanding, personal responsibility, and self-worth were among the responses that I received. It is my hope to pass on how important it is to have a growth mindset. Too often, we get comfortable in our situations and forget to keep building with those we love.