Stepped Back to Move Forward

I took two trips back to my hometown last year, hoping to reconnect with people from my childhood years. I felt that I was holding on to grudges due to perceived wrongs. Upon landing for the first trip, the goal became to find understanding.

Since creating this site, I have reflected on my life. Often this entailed me taking another look at and reevaluating my past. Looking back has given me the space that I needed to heal, and I was able to work toward healing through blogging. Over time, this process left me feeling terrible.

At first, I could not figure out the source of this feeling. I would frequently ask myself what left me with this sentiment. In the end, I realized that nothing was lacking in my life; the problem resided within my mind. I learned that I was working against my goal of healing by dwelling on those feelings for so long.

Each draft required editing before I could consider it ready to be published. This entailed doing a second slow and methodical pass over the work to examine the flow of the text. With each repetition, I found myself delving deeper into the dark places of my mind, reliving each detail.

It is for this reason that I decided to step away. Just before the clock ticked into 2022, I drafted some posts that detailed parts of the healing process, but they were too heavy on the negative emotions. Since they provided no benefit, I decided to leave them at the draft phase and stay away until I could proceed with healing. This is that long-awaited step forward.

My journey reiterated that living in the past can not bring results to the present and hinders the future. At times, seeking to forgive can be the thing that causes us to derail. I learned not to lean toward forgiveness until I no longer hold on to the pain that brought me to that moment. Now I know that "take your time and do it right" also applies to healing.